Totton Small Hadron Collider

Totton Small Hadron Collider Welcome to the Totton World Atomic Trust. We’re developing a Small Hadron Collider for Totton. (Satire)

Lots of people have messaged us (OK, just Nigel from Hounsdown) to ask how we intend to install the Small Hadron Collide...
15/03/2026

Lots of people have messaged us (OK, just Nigel from Hounsdown) to ask how we intend to install the Small Hadron Collider in the old Lloyds building. It's obviously too big to fit through the door.

Well Nigel, our plan is to assemble and test the Small Hadron Collider on the ASDA roundabout. The process will take approximately 18 months to complete.

Once testing is complete we will employ the services of two Chinook helicopters.

The first one will use a massive winch to raise the roof of the Lloyds building.

A second one will use a massive winch to lift the fully assembled SHC from the ASDA roundabout and place it gently within the Lloyds building.

The first one will then use it's massive winch to lower the roof back onto the building.

The SHC will then be commissioned before being fired up for the first time.


⚠️ Community Notice: Missing AtomThe Totton World Atomic Trust would like to inform residents that one atom is currently...
09/03/2026

⚠️ Community Notice: Missing Atom

The Totton World Atomic Trust would like to inform residents that one atom is currently unaccounted for. The missing atom was noticed missing during routine work being carried out at our temporary facilities.

Before anyone becomes concerned, we would like to reassure the community that:

• The atom is extremely small
• It is not believed to be hostile

We think it may have fallen out of Colin's pocket somewhere between Greggs and The Keys while he was on his lunch break. (Colin, our trainee scientist has been given a stern telling off)

Our team conducted a careful search of the precinct and the pub b**r garden to no avail.

If you believe you may have seen the atom, please remain calm and avoid sudden movements. It may appear as a very small particle behaving suspiciously.

Further updates will be provided once we have either: Located the atom, or determined it was theoretical all along.

Thank you for your understanding and continued support of community-scale atomic research.

— Totton World Atomic Trust

🚀 Introducing the Small Hadron Collider The Totton World Atomic Trust is excited to announce that we are preparing a pla...
09/03/2026

🚀 Introducing the Small Hadron Collider

The Totton World Atomic Trust is excited to announce that we are preparing a planning application to install a Small Hadron Collider (SHC) in the former Lloyds Bank building in Totton town centre.

Inspired by the Large Hadron Collider at CERN, the SHC will be a compact, community-scale particle collider designed to support research, education, and provide energy for Totton and parts of the New Forest, whilst keeping radiation leaks to a minimum.

🔬 The donut shaped collider itself will be located on the top floor, where particle collisions will take place inside a large circular ring.

The lower floor will feature a family friendly cafe and a Chernobyl themed soft play area for children.

Our aim is simple: bring family friendly world-class science and radiation into the heart of the community and make advanced physics something people can see, experience, and ask questions about.

We’ll be sharing updates, answering questions, and inviting the community to learn more as the planning process moves forward.

Until the application is approved we will be carrying out preliminary experiments at our lock up garage in Calmore.

📡 Follow this page for updates as the Small Hadron Collider proposal progresses.


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