05/10/2024
This is an embarrassing moment for me, but I feel I need to shear this.
Up until a few days ago, I can't lie. I never really took mental health very seriously, and I'm completely embarrassed by my ignorance.
For countless years, I thought mental health was something you could just bury deep down and get on with life, and I did just that, but after a series of events in my life I had a melt down. I battled for access with my oldest child that i won but that made no difference, over the years i tried and tired but access was limited. I then had my two girls in the most terrible relationship, i now do not have access to them and still pending, I was told I would be a dad again to my boy but through the pregnancy i was unsure if he was going to be mine or not, it was heart breaking that i couldnt fully be there, after that i met the most gorgeous beautiful little goddess that i will love until my last breath, but i went through battles with my ex and my new relationship where it were agreed that we wait a year for our kids to meet new partners and I stuck by them rules but she didn't think she had too, that caused stress on my relationship but we got through it, now the love of my life is in hospital with a life threatening illness 💔, I think about her night and day never knowing weather things are going to get better or worse 😔, we have the best life together full of love and affection, everyday spent with my little goddess was a blessing and I'd never change that for anything. All I can do is sit and hope that she gets better, I miss her each and every day and hope to God she makes a full recovery.
But this has gotten to me like I never thought anything could or ever would, so much so that the worry and panic I feel stopped me from sleeping and eating. Because of this, my mind broke just like my heart, which pushed me to the point that I could not handle.
I am so embarrassed to say I did things and almost did other things that I never thought I would do, but before that, the police picked me up and took me to the mental health unit. In turn, they kept me there so they could keep an eye on me overnight and assess me in the morning. They have given me something to temporarily calm me for a week so that I can gather my thoughts, it was confirmed that I have been through so much stress throughout my life that I have chosen to bury deep. They have also said that I am perfectly normal, but the lack of sleep and eating had driven my mind to act in a way that it never would. They have given me sleeping tablets to help me sleep and for the last two days I have, I am thankfully dreaming again and about good things, always about my little goddess but they are still good and they fill my brain with the best thoughts and memories of us 💖.
I am now much calmer but never will I ever underestimate mental health ever again and neither should anyone else so if anyone out there is struggling then you are not alone, there is help and you should never think being a man means that you just ignore the fact that you are struggling. So please seek help before it's to late and never be ashamed of the fact that it is needed.
