06/19/2025
Dear investors, tourists, and curious lawyers,
We at InGen are thrilled to announce that, despite minor incidents (read: "unexpected dismemberments"), our dinosaur theme park is once again open for business. After all, what's a little chaos between friends when you've got a genetically resurrected apex predator posing for selfies?
Thanks to our patented "Definitely-Won’t-Fail-This-Time" electric fences and an all-new intern-based security team (they're so enthusiastic), we’re confident that your visit to Isla Nublar will be marginally safer than feeding time in the raptor pen.
✨ New for this season:
- Pachycephalosaurus Paintball Arena — Helmets optional.
- T-Rex Tea Time — Sip Earl Grey while making eye contact with nature’s purest killing machine.
- DNA Splicing Booth — Create your own hybrid creature! (Waiver required. Cloning insurance not included.)
Please ignore all rumors about escaped specimens. That was merely a surprise immersive experience. You’re welcome.
🧬 InGen: Because asking “Should we?” is for companies with less ambition. 💼